Drawing sound / Pulsating
On week one I took a roll of paper into the residency, I don’t know how long it is because I’ve had the roll for some time ! But I’m into week ten and I’m still drawing, a continuous sound drawing, responding both to the internal and the external, keeping in mind words I use to describe Tinnitus and words others use to describe it … Drawing was the first step into the project before the residency began … the question ‘What does this sound look like’?
Thinking ‘inside’ the box !
A week of bringing elements together, of translating aesthetics from the parameters of one space to another, taking aspects of the questionnaire answers to create a dialogue between form and colour … time is running … in my head I’m already planning what the show will look like … I’ve measured the space, internalised the floor plan, now I have to complete work to a point … breathe … connect with that point of stillness … silence ! … what is that again ?
Sink, basin, bed of nails
For the last four weeks i’ve been working on two residencies concurrently, the one at Free Space Gallery for which this blog specifically relates to and another at Trinity Buoy Wharf organised as part of UEL’s MA Fine Art program. The project space at Trinity Buoy Wharf was perfect for realising a larger sculpture piece, relevant to the work at Free Space Gallery in the sense that ‘Self’ in relation to sound sense perception is not a fixed concept. The challenge, how to translate this idea to include it in the exhibition at Free Space Gallery from May to June …
Silver & Yellow
I remember not so long ago reading a story about a turtle trying to explain to a fish the concept of dry land … it reminded me of how difficult it is trying to explain to somebody what it’s like to live with the experience of tinnitus … information I’ve read (and there’s been plenty with tinnitus awareness week behind us) takes a very objective stance focusing on the aims, intentions and outcomes of a particular, product, service or organisation. Which is great considering that it’s estimated that 300 million people worldwide experience tinnitus. But this is no modern phenomena, there are texts citing tinnitus back to ancient civilisations. Clay tablets dating back to Babylonian times describe the ‘singing’, ‘talking’ or ‘haunting’ of the ears, none of which mention a remedy or cure … given the fact that we can’t really cure something that we don’t know the absolute cause of it would seem that we still have a considerable way to go … for me self management and maintaining internal balance is the key … It is constant, it can be disruptive, it is very loud, and however many of the ‘self-help’ sections I read, it doesn’t change the fact that I am currently micro-managing Tinnitus every moment of every day, which in itself can be exhausting …
Catching up with myself … organising … reflecting … planning … week 7 has already begun, week 6 was demanding, the days wanted more from me than I had, more than there was … the hiss gets louder … don’t listen … tune out … it plays in the background …
‘Where you are – the place we occupy, however briefly – has everything to do with what and who we are (and finally, that we are).’ – E. S Casey
I can’t believe I’m in week five of the residency, time is running so fast … where am I ! I’m dividing myself between several places at once, or rather immersing myself in several locations at once, immediately, now, this is not brief, but fully felt, fully experienced, though in a greater context it is but a moment, fleeting and fast … today I struggle to hear my recording, T is loud, even with the headphones on … I keep perspective, it is an experience but it isn’t who I am.
Acknowledging the bodies limitations / Loop !
Pushing oneself to the point of collapse isn’t conducive to a restful nervous system, there has to be a space, a time, an acknowledgement that stillness is required … one of the problems with the experience of Tinnitus is that down time is frequently interfered with, if the sound is consistent and loud even sleeping may not offer a period of rest … quietness and relaxation has to be found or experienced in new ways, a further shift in perspective has to take place and a deeper enquiry into who one is has to unfold … living with any condition on a long term basis means that there has to be a re-evaluation of self, self in relation to environment and other alters … at least this is my own personal experience of ‘T’.
What is Silence ?
Between the ‘this that is me space’ and this room the place outside of me … it is nowhere … where then can it be found ? can it be? is it so ?
I’m here getting organised, I know i’ll be here for the day … will quickly read through notes to catch up before writing … and then continue with the drawing …
Tintinn – what?
Chatting with Daniel (free space gallery director) and we decided i’d set up a blog for the residency ;
‘I want to call it tintinnabulation’
‘D’you think that’s a bit …’
‘Yes … d’you think that’s a bit longwinded … tintinnabulation.wordpress.com, it’s a bit long don’t you think!’
‘What does it …’
‘It’s a word that was coined by Edgar Allen Poe … used in a poem … with the line the tintinnabulation that so musically wells … it’s a bit long though isn’t it’
‘but I like it … it’s …’
‘I like it too … okay i’ll do it’
And so I did and here it is and it became even longer as wordpress decided I could have it but with the suffix 2017 attached … which is okay – I think … it’s certainly spans the distance between myself, Poe and the year (c.1848) of the words creation.
Hear the sledges with the bells -
What a world of merriment their melody foretells!
How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,
In the icy air of night!
While the stars that oversprinkle
All the heavens, seem to twinkle
With a crystalline delight;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells
From the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
From the jingling and the tinkling of the bells.
Feet to the floor!
Bare foot and grounded … connecting to the space … internal temperature fluctuates as does the external … planning at the laptop with a cup of tea, I start the day by organising my thoughts, what am I going to do today, what is my overall time frame, being organised and staying focused will anchor me in, it’s still early days but time moves quickly … this thought makes me nervous !