Drawing sound / Pulsating
On week one I took a roll of paper into the residency, I don’t know how long it is because I’ve had the roll for some time ! But I’m into week ten and I’m still drawing, a continuous sound drawing, responding both to the internal and the external, keeping in mind words I use to describe Tinnitus and words others use to describe it … Drawing was the first step into the project before the residency began … the question ‘What does this sound look like’?
‘Where you are – the place we occupy, however briefly – has everything to do with what and who we are (and finally, that we are).’ – E. S Casey
I can’t believe I’m in week five of the residency, time is running so fast … where am I ! I’m dividing myself between several places at once, or rather immersing myself in several locations at once, immediately, now, this is not brief, but fully felt, fully experienced, though in a greater context it is but a moment, fleeting and fast … today I struggle to hear my recording, T is loud, even with the headphones on … I keep perspective, it is an experience but it isn’t who I am.
Acknowledging the bodies limitations / Loop !
Pushing oneself to the point of collapse isn’t conducive to a restful nervous system, there has to be a space, a time, an acknowledgement that stillness is required … one of the problems with the experience of Tinnitus is that down time is frequently interfered with, if the sound is consistent and loud even sleeping may not offer a period of rest … quietness and relaxation has to be found or experienced in new ways, a further shift in perspective has to take place and a deeper enquiry into who one is has to unfold … living with any condition on a long term basis means that there has to be a re-evaluation of self, self in relation to environment and other alters … at least this is my own personal experience of ‘T’.
What is Silence ?
Between the ‘this that is me space’ and this room the place outside of me … it is nowhere … where then can it be found ? can it be? is it so ?
I’m here getting organised, I know i’ll be here for the day … will quickly read through notes to catch up before writing … and then continue with the drawing …